What Our Families Say
Real letters from real customers, lightly edited for readability.
On Asbesto-Crisps
“I've been eating a sleeve of Asbesto-Crisps every day for thirty years and I have only the one tumor. Wonderful crackers.”
Brenda Faulk, age 47
Cleveland, OH
On Roy's Nitrate-Lover's Meat Logs
“My doctor told me to cut back. I told him about Roy's Logs. He's now a customer too.”
Tony Mazetti, age 62
Bakersfield, CA
On Sunshine Glow Radium Wristwatch
“I've worn this watch since 1962. I can read the time without my glasses, in the dark, with my eyes closed. Truly magical.”
Eleanor Whittaker, age 71
Pasadena, CA
On Tan-O-Matic 9000
“I look like a leather wallet now. My wife says I look distinguished. We are not on speaking terms but she did say that.”
Ryan Ashford, age 54
Phoenix, AZ
On Crystal-Pals Lead Crystal Sippy Cups
“My toddler is the calmest kid in his preschool class. The teachers say he's 'unusually placid.' Thank you Roy!”
Nina Cabrera, age 38
Tucson, AZ
On Radon Cellar Concentrator Kit
“I installed mine in 1989. The basement now has a cozy, slightly heavy quality you simply cannot get from a regular cellar.”
Asher Bloom, age 67
Reno, NV
On Forever-Pan™
“I have used this skillet every single day since 1984. The non-stick has not failed once. Neither, I am told, will it ever break down in a landfill.”
Dr. Patricia Hollowell, age 59
Modesto, CA
On Junior Glow-Pop Cigarettes
“My grandfather started me on Glow-Pops at age four. Three generations of Pullmans have enjoyed them. Tradition matters.”
Derek Pullman, age 73
San Bernardino, CA
On Cozy-Pet Asbestos Bedding
“Buster has not moved off his Cozy-Pet bed in eight months. He is so relaxed. So profoundly, deeply relaxed.”
Tamara Voss, age 44
Boise, ID
On Mercury Drop Lollipops
“We have collected the empty bulbs since we were kids. They sit in a Mason jar on our windowsill. They tell our whole life story, in silver.”
Greg & Diane Hofstra, age 81
Sacramento, CA
On Tar Tots Coal Tar Shampoo
“My daughter loves bath time now. She comes out smelling like bubblegum and an asphalt road. I find this oddly comforting.”
Simone Archer, age 33
Fresno, CA
On Char-Master 2000°
“I cooked a steak so thoroughly last weekend that the meat color is no longer determinable by visual inspection. Roy was right.”
Kyle Brandt, age 58
Stockton, CA
All testimonials are unsolicited and printed without compensation. Photographs are from our customer correspondence file, used with the implied consent of anyone who mailed us a letter.